Ah here,She’s off on one again..

Im about to take full advantage of the fact that noone reads this anymore…having a shit night as of like half an hour ago, already been a bit on edge all day coz its pauls 2nd annaversary and thats a bit hard to handle and then my brother started making a fucking scene about dinner ofr my dads 50th and then he started making little digs at me now going to bible study and stuff and fucking heel i cant deal with that, its my belief and he’l have to get fucking used to it like its not like ive joined some fucking cult i just kearn a bit about the bible like fuck off if you have an issue with it and im on a huge low self esteem buzz, yknow the weird thing about themselves that everyone has, well im missing a finger, thats mine, and i just wish so fucking much that it was normal, like i had a dream a few years back that years from now surgery got advanced enough that they could fix it, like i though i was ok with it now i really did but im so not, im fucking different and weird enough as it is i dont need another fucking thing to make me the weird one and ive put on weight lately and its made me hate myself so fucking much, i just cant smile when i look at myself like conors sisters home tomorrow and im meeting her for the first time and i dont even want her to look at me coz shes skinny and beautiful and im just fucking not and she’ll know damn welll her brother can and should do better and she might be the one who’ll manage to make him see that and i so dont want her too coz i dont wanna lose him even though i know he deserves better, i just need to fuckin sort myself out and get back to looking decent coz im fucking sick of this im sick of not wanting to let people see me and not wanting to leave the house or go out coz i dont want people to notice how shit i look compared to others i just want everything to fuck off and go away and the fucking leaving cert jesus christ i just wish it would stop being a dick,i know id be good at what i wanna do but because of some poxy memory test i might not get to do it like sorry i cant memorise your bullshit enough to be qualified to do something tht has absolutly NOTHING to do with the course i wanna do like fuck off its such shit its all just so fucking shit

Ok its been i’d say about a year since ive written a blog but its summer and i have loads of spare time so i think its time to start again. A lot has changed since i last made a blog. Things are amazing right now, im in the middle of the best summer of my liffe with some of the most amazing friends and an amzing boyfriend. So yeah things are looking up =] I really dont think theres anything i could complain about right now Last weekend i was at the biggest music festival in ireland for my first time. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I have to say yes i did get soaked to the bone and it was cold but it was so worth it, i payed 220 for a ticket and saw 19 bands, that makes it about 11 euro per band and some of the bands were big artists so its amazing value if you use the weekend right and dont just use it purely as a piss up in a field. Steve Aoik, 3Oh!3, Ellie Goulding, Chase And Status And Eminem Were Probably My highlights, but i dont think there were any gigs i didnt enjoy except for maybe bell x1. Next Saturday im goni to the “Warrior Dance Festival” which is really just a huge prodigy gig with a lot of support acts. Im unbelievably excited about it coz the support acts are some of my favorite bands and as anyone who knows me knows im one of the biggest prodigy fans you’ll meet. So really with pendulum enter shikari and chase and status supporting prodigy i dont think you could create a more ideal gig for me. Like those bands just get me so pumped up that the adrenaline is such a rush, so all of them in a row will be mental haha. Got my first tattoo yesterday. I love it, its bigger than i planned but i think making it that size was the only way to do it justice, the girl who did it is an amazing artist, like seriously good. It hurt i wont lie but it was worth every second, it means a lot to me and im happy i got it done. Just havent figured out what the hell im going to do if my dad ever sees it, he’ll hate me, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Right i think this blog has been long enough, adios =]

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Best Night Of My Life

Busted My Lip In A Pit Before The Support Band EvenCame On, My Ankle Is Twice The Size It Should Be But It Was So Worth It, Without A Doubt

Prodigy Are GODS.

Wow, There Is No Other Word To Explain My Reaction To This Site

Due To The Fact That My Mates Read This Theres Stuff I Cant Say But That Site Has Helped Me So Much In Only A Few Minutes, This World Really Does Have So Much Beauty And So Many Truly Amazing People

Its Strange How The Kindness And Inspiration Of Others Can Save You

Bllleeeeehhhhhhhh

I Dunno What to Write, But Pauls Being A Demanding Lil Diva and Wants a New Blog

So What Been Goin On? Ehm Boys Are Bollocks My Best Mate Is A compulsive Lyin Psycho And PRODIGY TOMORROW

So Boys, Ehm Like One Who I Might Be Meeting, Sorta, Ish, Then Theres The Other One I Like Who Was The One Who Asked For My Number But I Dunno If Anything Gonna Happen And Then Theres The One Im In Love With Whos A Spa =D

Best Mate? Mental, And Not In The Good Way, Like Proper Lost It….Shes Being Lying About Everything for Months, And Ive Known  And Ive Put Up With It But The Other Day She Brought One Of My Best Mates Into It And That Crossed A Line for Me, And She Has The Cheek To Not Properly Apologize To Him, Like Cop On  You Stupid Cow….Everyone Knows And Yet You STILL Wont Admit Your Lies, Now Your Making Yourself Loo Like A Proper Spa

But None Of This Matters coz In Like 16 Hours Ima Be Walkin Into The Prodigy Gig With A Load Of My Mates and Im Gonna Be All War Painted Up And Ready To Go MENTAL

BRING. IT. ON.

I Had An Animal Weekend…Went To One Of The Best Parties Ive Been To In Ages…Wow Like Hahaha

Some Quotes From Saturday: “So Do You Get Free Petrol?”, “Is That A Touch Phone?”, “Eoin, Yknow The Boy I Met, Whats His Name?”, “Are Yous 2 Meetin? Should I Leave Or Something?”, “PO PO SHUT US DOWN!”, Awh Wow It Was An Epic Night, Mcdonalds At 3 In The Mornin, Wanders At Like 4, Stargazing On The Roof, Too Much Dancing Hahaha

On The Down Side, Friends With Benefits Doesnt Work =/…Well Not When Your Friend With Benefits Forgets Bout The Friends Bits And Its Just Benefits, That Sucks…Like Really Sucks..And Hurts Tbh

Kinda A Very Shit Mood Tonight…I Dunno Why Though…Been Bursting Into Tears Randomly Lately Though o.O

Emotional Mess? I Think So Lol

Smithfields Open On Friday :D:D:D:D

Cant Feckin Wait…SO Excited

Sin E

Yes Paul I Know Its Been A While Lol

So Yeah I Do Apologize Just Not Been In The Mood For Blogging Lately Lol

Ehm So Whats Been Happening…Ehm…I Stopped Talking To Most Of My Mates But Am Talking to Most Of Them Now, Had Some ANIMAL Weekends, The Best Curtosy Of Rachel Crawley And Her Gaff Oh And My Mother Is In The Process Of Moving Out…Just Back From Her New Gaf Actually Lol

Its A Lovely House…I Adore It..I Have The Biggest Room In The House, With An En Suite…Suck On That Darren Haha…We’ve Got Our Bright Blue Couch And Ive Got My Tokyo Lampshade In  My Room…Its All Good. And The House Is So Close To Loads Of My Mates N All…And Like Wow People Can Call For Me Now…But Jesus Its Weird Being In an Estate

Yeah the Last Few Weeks Have Consisted Of Some Animal Weekends…Things In My Social Life Are Pretty Damn Good Lol…I Have A Photoshoot On Sunday Mornin Though…After Halloween =[...Im Gonna Be Dying Hah

Ehm Boys...Theres A Few Things Going On But Ehm Yeah Lol...Theres One Fella I Met At A Party Like 2 Weeks Ago And We Do Sorta Like Each Other and Were Going To A Party Tomorrow N Im Hoping Somehing Happens But I Dont Know If I Want Anything More Than Meaningless Stuff To Happen...We'll See We'll See Hahah. Ehm The Other Boy Is The Same Boy Ive Liked For Months But Cant Be With And Well The Problem? Im Startin To Like His Best Mate Too....Lovely Haha

Right Well I Seriously Need Sleep So Night Night =]

X

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

..Yeah I’m A Fuckin Idiot…I Know

Im Sorry…

ok in general feelin a bit shit atm

my boyfriends in portugal and well he has two mates over there who are fuckin GORGEOUS and theyve got belfast accents, so yeah theyre amazing and id be lying if i said im not worried about him cheatin…like could ye blame him

but not only is the thoughts of that killing me just thinkin bout all this made me think about the fact that i did cheat on my ex…like if the thoughts that adam MIGHT hurt this much i cant believe i ever hurt ferdia like that…makes me feel like a bit of a horrible twat…like how did i ever put him through that =/

like i guess Kings Of Concrete was a weekend where there was so much goign on and so many people around i forgot about who i really care about and im sorry for that…yes you know who thats directed at

and well commitment…probably one of my biggest fears…its ridiculous how much fear those three little words put through me…how much i think they have the ability to ruin my relationship…like really they shouldnt be able to…theyre just words right? but its not nessicarily the words its the meaning we’ve made them hold…and the problem is the mena more and less to different people…if it was a like black and white situation where they meant the exact same to everyone itd be fine but they dont and some people say it a lot easier than others…in other words i cant bring myself to say them even though i think i may feel that way because i cant be sure i feel that strongly and i dont wanna say em then regret it…but they keep nearly slipping out…like they just are dying to get out..maybe its coz with my ex we were together so long that those words became something we just said casually so it became habit, but this isnt my ex and i cant figure out my own head enough to know what im feeling

and also the fact that theres something else i have figured out about my own head but dont have the balls to tell my friends doesnt help…as ok as the one person who knows was with it theres just reasons why i cant just be like yeah btw…lol

screw it no point tryin to figure all this out until i can figure out my own head yknow

tty

lately ive been dreaming a lot…which is strange for me coz i usually dont…but anyways…in these dreams there been kinda like the fantasy situations where things that you like read in books happen…and i found myself feeling a bit like upset that really in life these fantasy moments never happen but today i kinda thought about it coz i had some really good moments…and even though they mightn’t have been the fairytale moments i wished for they were still nice and honestly i think as long as life has its nice moments like that i can handle not gettin the fairytale ones…ye know just as long as theres moments there that may not be fantastic but they still give you hope that life gets better and that you can be happy sometimes…

and for reasons some of my mates know…damn good day

X