Ah here,She’s off on one again..

Yes Paul I Know Its Been A While Lol

So Yeah I Do Apologize Just Not Been In The Mood For Blogging Lately Lol

Ehm So Whats Been Happening…Ehm…I Stopped Talking To Most Of My Mates But Am Talking to Most Of Them Now, Had Some ANIMAL Weekends, The Best Curtosy Of Rachel Crawley And Her Gaff Oh And My Mother Is In The Process Of Moving Out…Just Back From Her New Gaf Actually Lol

Its A Lovely House…I Adore It..I Have The Biggest Room In The House, With An En Suite…Suck On That Darren Haha…We’ve Got Our Bright Blue Couch And Ive Got My Tokyo Lampshade In  My Room…Its All Good. And The House Is So Close To Loads Of My Mates N All…And Like Wow People Can Call For Me Now…But Jesus Its Weird Being In an Estate

Yeah the Last Few Weeks Have Consisted Of Some Animal Weekends…Things In My Social Life Are Pretty Damn Good Lol…I Have A Photoshoot On Sunday Mornin Though…After Halloween =[...Im Gonna Be Dying Hah

Ehm Boys...Theres A Few Things Going On But Ehm Yeah Lol...Theres One Fella I Met At A Party Like 2 Weeks Ago And We Do Sorta Like Each Other and Were Going To A Party Tomorrow N Im Hoping Somehing Happens But I Dont Know If I Want Anything More Than Meaningless Stuff To Happen...We'll See We'll See Hahah. Ehm The Other Boy Is The Same Boy Ive Liked For Months But Cant Be With And Well The Problem? Im Startin To Like His Best Mate Too....Lovely Haha

Right Well I Seriously Need Sleep So Night Night =]

X

I Dont Even Know How To Explain All This…Gettin To The Point Of Not Carin A Bit…But I Dont Wanna Stop Carin Again…You Probably Wont Bother Readin This But Like Fuck It

Too Much Shit Has Been Happenin Lately For Me To Ever Lose A Friend And Not Know That Ive Done All I Can To Not Lose Them So..

Yeah Im Sorry…Ye Hear That ? SORRY…I Said Some Stuff I Didnt Mean And I Said Some Stuff I Did Mean But Probably Shouldve Kept To Myself…But Seriously…You Need To Cop On…Coz Like This Is A Fuckin Stupid Thing To Lose A Mate Over..Yeah Summit Happened…I Dont Regret It…But I Also Dont Think It Ment Anything So Ye Dont Have To Worry About That

But Yeah Right Now Guess What Your Being An Arsehole…You Really Showin You Dont Care About ANYONE But You And Her…And Yeah Maybe I Do Need Ye Right Now…Maybe Your One Of The Few People Who I Dont Have To Act All Excited Bout My Mam Movin Out To…Itd Be Nice To Have ONE Person I Can Be Honest Bout It With…Generally Thats You Coz You Dont Live Here…You Dont Know My Mates.. You Dont Know My Family…So I Dont Mind Being Honest With You

And Yeah See I Still Care When Yer MSN Says Yer In A Shit Mood And Im Tryin My Best Not To Be Childish N Get All Pissed Off And Bitter But Fuck Your Makin It Hard..

To Be Honest This Weekend Was The Nicest Feeling Of Forgetting Everything…And No I Dont Mean Alcohol Induced Forgetting…I Just Mean Being So Seperated From Everything That Nothing Mattered…Gettin To Meet New People Who Literally Knew Nothing About Me And Being Able To Have People Who Have No Pre Concieved Opinions Of Me…Nicest Feeling Of Freedom Ever

I Hate My Feelings…With A Passion…I Hate How They Feel One Thing But Then Are Scared And Confused About It So Go And Sabotage Themselves…Just Keep Makin Myself Get Hurt Over N Over

Feel Ill Right Now Coz I Need To Cry But Just Cant…Fuck This…How Can You Go From Being SO Happy To SO Sad This Quickly And For No Reason ?

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

..Yeah I’m A Fuckin Idiot…I Know

Im Sorry…

Well Some Of My “Best Mates” Can Go Fuck Themselves….You Cant Say You’ll Always Be There And Then Once I Tell You The Truth And You Dont Like It Fuck Off? Thats Bollocks…Thats Not BEing A Friends….Thats Being A Twat

Not Aresed With You…You Dont Deserve Me As A Friend…Im Tryiong To PTROTECT You!!!…But If You Wanna Get Hurt…Go Ahead

And Yes Weather Other People Believe It Or Not…Drink Solves EVERYTHING Lol…Or At Least Makes Everything Seem a Little Less Pointless

Going Bakc To School Soon…And This Year Guess What I’m Gonna Do?…Im Not Going To CARE =D…Makes My Life Well Easier

Not Sure What To Say Atm…Lot Of Stuff Going On

First Of All…May I Say R.I.P Rob Stringer And Paul Dan…Loved You Both Very Dearly And Your Both In All Our Hearts…You’ll Be Missed Forever

Think Ive Gotten To The Point Where Ive Used Up So Much Of My Emotion That Ive None Left…Its Like Feeling Numb Or Something =/

Fightin With One Of My Mates Atm…Over A Guy…But Its Not As Simple As It Being Over A Guy…Its About Me Feeling Like Shes Not Treatin Me The Way A Friend Should “/ And Shes Like Oh Ive More Important Things Going On…Ive Lost 2 People I Loved Very Much And I Still Bothered To Try Sort Things Out…So If Shes Not Bothered She Can G FUCK HERSELF…Ive Never Felt So Betrayed…And Shes Upset Coz I compared Her To Someone I Hate…Well Shes Treated Me Worse Than That Person Ever Did

And Ive Got A Friend Stayin With Me Atm…Its Just Really Hard Coz Its A REALLY Rough Week…And I Kinda Feel Like I Need Some Space Like But I Cant Get It…I Just Need To Be On My Own And Have A Good Cry Tbh…Its Horrible…Untill About 3 Years Ago I Hadnt Experienced Death But Since Its Been Thrown At Me In Abundance…Especially The Last Year…I Dont Really Have It In Me To React To It Anymore…I Havent Cried Since I Was Told About Paul Dan Even Though He Was Pretty Much Like A Brother…Its Like My Emotion Is Empty…

But Basically I Want Less Confusion, Space And I Dunno…Things To Make Sense…

ok in general feelin a bit shit atm

my boyfriends in portugal and well he has two mates over there who are fuckin GORGEOUS and theyve got belfast accents, so yeah theyre amazing and id be lying if i said im not worried about him cheatin…like could ye blame him

but not only is the thoughts of that killing me just thinkin bout all this made me think about the fact that i did cheat on my ex…like if the thoughts that adam MIGHT hurt this much i cant believe i ever hurt ferdia like that…makes me feel like a bit of a horrible twat…like how did i ever put him through that =/

like i guess Kings Of Concrete was a weekend where there was so much goign on and so many people around i forgot about who i really care about and im sorry for that…yes you know who thats directed at

and well commitment…probably one of my biggest fears…its ridiculous how much fear those three little words put through me…how much i think they have the ability to ruin my relationship…like really they shouldnt be able to…theyre just words right? but its not nessicarily the words its the meaning we’ve made them hold…and the problem is the mena more and less to different people…if it was a like black and white situation where they meant the exact same to everyone itd be fine but they dont and some people say it a lot easier than others…in other words i cant bring myself to say them even though i think i may feel that way because i cant be sure i feel that strongly and i dont wanna say em then regret it…but they keep nearly slipping out…like they just are dying to get out..maybe its coz with my ex we were together so long that those words became something we just said casually so it became habit, but this isnt my ex and i cant figure out my own head enough to know what im feeling

and also the fact that theres something else i have figured out about my own head but dont have the balls to tell my friends doesnt help…as ok as the one person who knows was with it theres just reasons why i cant just be like yeah btw…lol

screw it no point tryin to figure all this out until i can figure out my own head yknow

tty

Ok In General Guys Annoy And/Or Confuse Me These Days

One Guy Who Im Meetin Atm Is So Lovely And Gorgeous And All But Its Like When Were Textin Or On Our Own Hes Well Into Me But When Were Around My Mates Its As If He Wants To Talk To Them More Than Me…Especially One Of My Mates Who He Fucks Off With Constantly…Startin To Think He Fancies Her Actually

And Then My Mate Who I Have History With Who Knows I Was Mad About Him Kept Braggin Bout Doing Stuff With This Girl Tonight…Like Seriously FUCK OFF I Do Not Want To Know…Like Have Some Common Sense For Gods Sake…

Right Thats My Rant Done And The Laptops About To Die So Night

lately ive been dreaming a lot…which is strange for me coz i usually dont…but anyways…in these dreams there been kinda like the fantasy situations where things that you like read in books happen…and i found myself feeling a bit like upset that really in life these fantasy moments never happen but today i kinda thought about it coz i had some really good moments…and even though they mightn’t have been the fairytale moments i wished for they were still nice and honestly i think as long as life has its nice moments like that i can handle not gettin the fairytale ones…ye know just as long as theres moments there that may not be fantastic but they still give you hope that life gets better and that you can be happy sometimes…

and for reasons some of my mates know…damn good day

X

Fair Fucks To My Family…The Have Officially Figured Out How To Put Me In The Worst Moods Ever…And Dya Know Whats Worse..Im Only 16 Ive Still Got At Least Another 2 Years Till I Can Get Out Of This Shithole Of A House. Two More Years With These Fuckin Eijits…And No Im Not Just Being A Moany Teenager…My Family Actually Are Horrible People..And The Worst Bit Is When Theyre Around My Mates They Act So Nice So If Im Not Nice To Them My Mates Think Im A Bitch Or If I Bitch About Them My Friends Think Im Just Moanin About Sumit That Doesnt Happen…Very Very Storngly Thinking Of Goin Out Tomorrow And Not Coming Home For A Few Days…Just Gotta Find Somewhere To Go