Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

{ December 17, 2010 @ 1:04 am } · { Uncategorized }

Im about to take full advantage of the fact that noone reads this anymore…having a shit night as of like half an hour ago, already been a bit on edge all day coz its pauls 2nd annaversary and thats a bit hard to handle and then my brother started making a fucking scene about dinner ofr my dads 50th and then he started making little digs at me now going to bible study and stuff and fucking heel i cant deal with that, its my belief and he’l have to get fucking used to it like its not like ive joined some fucking cult i just kearn a bit about the bible like fuck off if you have an issue with it and im on a huge low self esteem buzz, yknow the weird thing about themselves that everyone has, well im missing a finger, thats mine, and i just wish so fucking much that it was normal, like i had a dream a few years back that years from now surgery got advanced enough that they could fix it, like i though i was ok with it now i really did but im so not, im fucking different and weird enough as it is i dont need another fucking thing to make me the weird one and ive put on weight lately and its made me hate myself so fucking much, i just cant smile when i look at myself like conors sisters home tomorrow and im meeting her for the first time and i dont even want her to look at me coz shes skinny and beautiful and im just fucking not and she’ll know damn welll her brother can and should do better and she might be the one who’ll manage to make him see that and i so dont want her too coz i dont wanna lose him even though i know he deserves better, i just need to fuckin sort myself out and get back to looking decent coz im fucking sick of this im sick of not wanting to let people see me and not wanting to leave the house or go out coz i dont want people to notice how shit i look compared to others i just want everything to fuck off and go away and the fucking leaving cert jesus christ i just wish it would stop being a dick,i know id be good at what i wanna do but because of some poxy memory test i might not get to do it like sorry i cant memorise your bullshit enough to be qualified to do something tht has absolutly NOTHING to do with the course i wanna do like fuck off its such shit its all just so fucking shit